Lunar Month

Kagome watched Inuyasha's retreating back as he darted off toward the forest. The sun glowed jewel-bright against the tree tops, burning an intense orange colour as it slowly set. Inuyasha didn't look back as he increased his speed, jumping ever higher into the air as he travelled, putting more and more distance between himself and Kagome.

With a sigh and with tears glistening in the corners of her eyes, Kagome turned away and began to walk toward the village where Kaede, Sango, Miroku and Shippo were waiting for her to return. She had followed Inuyasha when he had jumped up and taken off at the sound of Kikyo's name as Kaede told them that her sister was still in hiding, but was now nearby. At this, Inuyasha had taken off like a bullet in the direction Kaede had said her sister was likely to have travelled to best conceal herself. Kagome had followed after him, running at top-speed so she didn't lose him, until they reached the edge of an enormous forest and Inuyasha told Kagome to wait for him there.

"Every time I've seen Kikyo lately it's only been for seconds at a time. I just want to see her for a minute and talk to her about everything that's been going on, Kagome, you don't need to come too," he had told her. Kagome had crossed her arms in frustration. He was always doing this! Every time Kikyo's name was mentioned, Inuyasha acted so strangely and usually it was clear that he wanted to go after her. Up until now, Kagome had always encouraged Inuyasha to go after Kikyo but she had always done so with a heavy heart. Now she was sick of giving Inuyasha any openings to run back to Kikyo's side once again. Eventually he would have to choose between herself and Kikyo. There was no other way.

"Inuyasha", Kagome had said tearfully, "if you want to go, I'm not going to stop you, but I'm not going to guarantee I'll still be here when you get back. I'm tired of always worrying about you when you leave me alone to go and find Kikyo. I'm sorry, but I can't take much more of this."

Inuyasha had looked taken aback and deeply hurt at Kagome's words and at the tears forming slowly in her dark eyes.

"Kagome," he began, "I'm just...I'm so..."

"Just go!" Kagome had screeched, looking at him severely. With one final glance, Inuyasha turned away and was gone.

Now, Kagome slowly put one foot in front of the other, staring at the ground she walked on, silent tears streaming down her face and neck. "Inuyasha," she whispered, "just be careful."

All at once, I finally took a moment
And I'm realizing that you're not coming back,
And it finally hit me,
All at once.

She shook her head. Of course Inuyasha would never be careful or sensible when Kikyo was involved. As long as she was alive, or undead, or whatever she was, Inuyasha would always think about her and care about her. That was so hard for Kagome, who loved Inuyasha more than anyone else she had ever known.

All of a sudden, Kagome couldn't take another step. She sunk to the ground on her knees and buried her face in her hands, tears flowing freely and rapidly. He'll never love me the way I love him! Kagome thought miserably as a complete sadness squeezed at her heart, threatening to consume her.

All at once, I started counting teardrops,
And at least a million fell.
Ever since I met you, you're the only love I've known.

Kagome's body began to shake violently. She felt ashamed for allowing her emotions to have such complete control over her, but there was nothing she could do about them.

The wind picked up slightly and lifted Kagome's hair, swirling it around her tear-stained face so that strands of it stuck to her cheeks and neck. She lowered her hands and looked up at the sky. It was beginning to get darker now and as the limitless, expansive sky erupted with billions of tiny stars, she felt so small and insignificant that it was almost as though she was completely alone in the world.

And I can't forget you, though I must face it all alone.

Kagome stood slowly and continued walking. She reached the village where her friends were waiting for her at the house with Kaede, but instead of going inside, she affixed her gaze to the dusty dirt road and kept going. She was finished with the heartache; finished with wondering whether or not Inuyasha considered her second best to Kikyo; finished with her whole double life in the feudal era. She had to go home, to where she belonged. As much as she wished this were not true, she knew that even if Inuyasha did return from wherever he was at the moment with Kikyo, it would only be a matter of time before he went off to find her once again.

Kagome didn't think she could handle that.

All at once, I'm drifting on a lonely sea,
Wishing you'd come back to me,
And that's all that matters now.
All at once, I'm drifting on a lonely sea, holding on to memories,
And it hurts me more than you know,
So much more than it shows
All at once.

All at once
I looked around and found that you were with another love
In someone else's arms, and all my dreams were shattered
All at once.

Inuyasha's stomach clenched and his heart felt as though it had been cleaved in two. Ignoring this, he darted more swiftly than any horse ever could have across the grassy footpath through the forest. Kikyo's scent was becoming stronger with every step he took. It wouldn't be long now.

But something was wrong. He felt an almighty, gut-wrenching pain and was forced to slow his pace. What was going on? Why did he feel this way? Coming to a complete stop, Inuyasha looked all around him, trying to pinpoint whatever it was that was making him so uncomfortable. Was it a demonic aura? No, it wasn't. Was it Naraku's poisonous insects flying around nearby? No, they were nowhere in sight.

What, then?

Inuyasha stared up at the sky as an image of Kagome's face flashed in his mind. "What the - ?" he exclaimed aloud. Shaking his head to clear it, he brushed it off as nothing and continued tracking Kikyo's scent. Any second now he expected to see something that would betray her whereabouts to him: her shikigami, perhaps, or a flash of her sacred arrows, or -

There it was again. Kagome's face appeared in Inuyasha's mind and at that moment, his heart seemed to inflate to double its normal size inside his chest. He clutched at it, confused, as blood rushed to his cheeks. Am I blushing?, he wondered. This time, Kagome's face would not leave his thoughts, and, as quickly as if he had always known this, he knew he was not where he needed to be. Kikyo was obviously fine, or he would have sensed something strange, and instinctively he knew that he needed to be with Kagome.

Kagome saw the Bone Eater's Well in the distance and quickened her pace to reach it faster, re-adjusting her backpack on her shoulders as she went. Inuyasha had proven once again that it was obviously Kikyo he loved, not her, and she knew there was no way she could handle the torture of him always going off chasing the priestess he had loved for so long. Kagome had promised Inuyasha that she would stay by his side, but her patience had finally worn thin. Goodness knew she loved him, and always would, but enough was enough.

All at once, I'm drifting on a lonely sea, holding onto memories,
And it hurts me more than you know,
So much more than it shows,
All at once.

She reached the well and place both hands on one side, peering down into its black, endless depths. "Goodbye Sango, Miroku, Shippo, Kirara, Kaede...I'm sorry I didn't tell you about this," she whispered to no one in particular, tears streaming from her eyes straight down into the well and disappearing, "I didn't want things to end this way. And goodbye Inuyasha. I said a long time ago that I didn't know what I'd be able to do for you, but now I know: obviously I couldn't do anything. I'll always love you, though, whatever that's worth."

All at once, I started counting teardrops,
And at least a million fell.
My eyes began to swell, and all my dreams were shattered,
All at once.

Ever since I met you,
You're the only love I've known,
And I can't forget you, though I must face it all alone.

Kagome swung one leg over the side of the well, preparing to jump in, but a familiar voice calling her name made her stop and peer into the night to see if it was indeed who she thought it was.

Inuyasha? Is that you?

Kagome was about to jump. If she went down the well before he reached her, Inuyasha had no idea if he'd be able to get her to come back again. I can't guarantee I'll still be here when you get back, she had told him, with a look of desperate sadness and anger etched across her face. What had she meant when she'd said that? Had she given up on him and decided to leave the feudal era? He didn't know. All he knew was that he had to stop her.

Inuyasha ran fast toward her where she sat, sitting on the Bone Eater's Well, looking totally confused. He quickened his pace so much that he could barely feel the grass beneath his feet anymore.

"Kagome," he said, finally stopping at the well, inches from her, "what the heck are you doing?" Kagome looked at the ground.

"I was going to ask you the same question!" she told him, not meeting his eyes. Now it was Inuyasha's turn to look confused.

"Huh?" he asked, very intelligently. Kagome let out a small chuckle.

"You came back awfully quickly, Inuyasha. What happened with you and Kikyo?”

Oh, Inuyasha finally realized, this must be the problem. Oh boy.

"Kagome!" he exclaimed, putting his hand on her left shoulder and shaking her, "is that with this is about? Me and Kikyo? Come on! Don't be so stupid! Why do you always get so weird whenever I go to find her? Huh? Kagome, answer me!" By this time, Inuyasha was practically yelling. Not from anger, but from frustration, mostly at himself for even leaving at all. He was causing Kagome pain, and that tortured him.

Kagome looked up into Inuyasha's eyes as her dark ones began to fill with tears once again. I didn't think one person could cry this much in one night! she thought miserably. If Inuyasha didn't know by now why she got upset every time he ran off to Kikyo, she didn’t think he ever would.

Ever since I've met you, you're the only love I've known.

"Inuyasha, I...I - I just can't do this anymore!" Kagome cried, as huge tears rolled down her cheeks and spilled onto her shirt. Inuyasha moved the hand still gripping her shoulder and gently wiped away the tears with his index finger.

"Can't do what?" he asked gently.

Kagome let out a deep sigh and a shuddering sob came with it. "I...I just can't watch you run off to Kikyo anymore, Inuyasha. I can't do it...I can't, because I love you. I know you still have feelings for Kikyo and it's understandable that you'd want to be with her whenever you can, but I just don't want to have to watch it anymore, and I don't want to stand in your way. So I'm going home and I'm going to stay there. If I don't, I know it'll only make things worse."

All at once, I'm drifting on a lonely sea,
Wishing you'd come back to me,
And that's all that matters now.
All at once, I'm drifting on a lonely sea,
Holding on to memories,
And it hurts me more than you know,
So much more than it shows
All at once.

Inuyasha looked crestfallen. "How could you think about going back, Kagome? Don't I mean more to you than that?" he asked her. Kagome looked exasperated at Inuyasha's stupidity and swung her other leg into the well so that now she faced away from him, and the only body parts keeping her in the feudal era were her hands, which gripped the wooden ledge tightly.

"Didn't you hear a word I said?" she cried incredulously, "Of course you do! But you were with Kikyo tonight! How much longer am I supposed to take this, Inuyasha?"

All at once
I looked around and found that you were with another love
In someone else's arms, and all my dreams were shattered
All at once.

Inuyasha stayed silent for a moment. Then he spoke quietly. "I wasn't with Kikyo tonight," he said simply, "because I felt like I needed to come back to you."

It was crucial that Kagome understand what Inuyasha was trying to tell her. He'd never been any good at expressing his emotions, but he had to try. "Kagome, don't you get it?" Inuyasha asked desperately, wishing she'd turn around and look at him, "I rushed back here. I never saw Kikyo. Something told me I needed to be with you. I always do!"

Slowly, Kagome turned around, taking her hands off the well. She swung one leg back over the side...and lost her balance, falling quickly down into the pitch-blackness of the Bone Eater's Well.

"Kagome!" Inuyasha exclaimed, jumping immediately into the well behind her. He hoped that he'd be able to convince her to come back to the feudal era with him. Without Kagome, he was...he was just...

Well, he didn't know exactly what he was without her, but he didn't like it.

In no time at all, Inuyasha found himself popping out of the well on the modern era side. Picking himself up off the ground, he saw Kagome sitting on the steps leading up and out of the building where the well was concealed. She had her head in her hands, and she looked deep in thought.

"Kagome, I'm sorry. I didn't mean to let you fall. I should have caught you." Inuyasha said. He slowly walked toward Kagome on the steps and sat down beside her. She didn't seem to have noticed him at all. Inuyasha waved his hand in front of her face to get her attention. "Yoo-hoo! Kagome! Hellooooooooooooo?" he called. Finally, she looked at him with a facial expression he'd never seen before. It was a cross between indecision, worry, anger, frustration, and terrible sadness. Geez, Inuyasha thought to himself, nobody could feel all of that at once! They'd explode!

Kagome took a deep breathe, sat up straight, and rubbed her knees with her hands which, Inuyasha noticed, were shaking.

"Inuyasha," she began slowly, choosing her words carefully before she spoke them, "I know you followed me to bring me back with you, but I don’t think I'll be coming."

Inuyasha's heart sank. "What? Kagome, I - !"

Kagome shook her head. "I just can't. Not now. I need some time to figure out what I'm going to do. I want you to go back and leave me here. I'm sorry." With that, she stood up and walked out of the building, leaving Inuyasha alone in complete darkness as she slid the door shut behind her without another word.

Inuyasha buried his face in his hands feeling perhaps more defeated than he ever had before.

All at once
The smile that used to greet me brightened someone else's day
She took your smile away
And left me with just memories
All at once.